What happens when your life begins to fall apart?
For 23-year-old Peyton Connor, who happened last May when she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.
The long-term chronic condition can cause increased sensitivity to pain, extreme fatigue, difficulty sleeping and memory loss.
After suffering a collapse at work at the end of 2015, several tests revealed that he had the condition, which has changed his life completely.
The condition can paralyze, can cause people to fall into isolation. Some patients lose their social life together.
Here, Peyton pens a heartbreaking letter to those closest to her.
A letter to my loved ones (What I Wish You Knew)
Dear family, dear friends,
First of all, please know how much I love you. I am very grateful that you have stuck around and endured me and all the madness that has surrounded me since I am wrong.
I could not have gotten through the exhausting diagnostic stage, and through all the disbelief of those who did not think I was sick without their support.
While I’ve proved you’re wrong, you have no idea how much I wish you were right – that there was nothing wrong, and it was everything you make believe.
I wish I could put into words what genuinely broken heart I am.
Unless you have been in my shoes, you can not understand how painful it is to see so many opportunities taken away from you, so many dreams have gone, even before I had a chance to hold on to them.
It is a pain that is both mental and physical – a pain in my head and in my heart.
Life puts these things to us for a reason, and we have to find a way to survive it, but that is not an easy thing to do.
We adapt to the situation we are in, because we have to do it. It is the only option we have, to move forward.
I’m not only broken hearted, I’m angry. Who would not be?
We wonder why we, why me, but there are no answers to these questions.
Think about them for a long time and it drives you crazy. It does not start as a kind of bright fire of anger, but it burns instead.
It’s enough that you do not feel at the beginning. But then a layer is added. And other. And other. Until everything is mired in hatred.
This disease is like a thief, but it is a skilled thief. This thief knows that he must not enter and steal everything in one fell swoop.
That would be too easy, too perceptible, and it would all be over too soon.
Instead, this particular thief is prudent. It hides in the shadows, take things one at a time, so at first you do not realize it.
Brush off with a shrug when watching the start moving randomly. You ignore that crunch of pain that is always in the same place and does not seem to change.
You laugh at the loss of memory, and cover up the fact that you are having accidents – jokes about keeping your legs crossed when you cough in the future. You continue forward.
And because you keep going, you push through all the demons that pull you, people think you’re fine. You reaffirm this belief by telling them again, in fact yes, it’s okay.
When they express their concerns they are told convincingly that it is just a cold, a touch of the flu, that the time of the month. You lie down for it. Because in life he teaches us only the way to move forward.
And when you find yourself believing the lie, then and only then is when the thief is going to attack.
He will gather his entire collection, along with some new things he has found lying around his body, and he will leave. Make sure you unplug some cables, and the wick cuts a few plugs from your mind before leaving.
And that is when reality hits you. All at once, you are not the person you used to be, and what you are now is a stranger to you.
Being face to face with an impostor in the brain, after 23 years of solitude, of control … is frightening.
It is rooted in you to fight this impostor. We do not like to let strangers take control. But they are much stronger than us.
We try to fight the impostor, to medicate the submission, to speak out of his position. We try to think positive, exercise and diet, and change parts of ourselves in hopes of driving the impostor out of our minds … but the joke is on us.
These changes are only his subtle way of getting an even firmer grip on us. We play in your hands.
Therefore, what is left for us to do, except adjust, accept the rules of this impostor, this thief, has become necessary, and adapt to those conditions.
We change our whole lives, we change all our habits, and we kiss goodbye to the dreams we have had since the childhood. We accept that I was not meant to be. Therefore, all that remains is to ask you, my loved ones, my friends … to accept this as well. Accept that what we do is not by choice, but more because we had no options left to do. We accept that we are not weak, but simply exhausted all our forces. We accept that we are not lazy, but tired. And we accept that we do not like these changes More than you. However, as history shows, they are built to adapt. So we did.Reference: http: //dailyhealthtip.co/heartbreaking-letter-from-a-bristol-woman-who-suffers-from-debilitating-disease-fibromyalgia/